i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
