i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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