What did we do last night that was yellow?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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