Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
