would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that's an acceptable place to lick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
