first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
tell me about the eggs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
