Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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