You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize