Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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