i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
