My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
