He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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