I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
