Im at strip club and am horny
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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