You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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