You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
