Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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