she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
