With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
