i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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