At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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