I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
