new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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