They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
