The maid of honor just puked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
