His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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