I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
