just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
