Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He better not be in your backpack
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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