there was a trapeze. enough said
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
