You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
