Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
