Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
