Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
