hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
