Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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