508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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