The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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