why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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