dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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