his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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