Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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