Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?