Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
