i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?