god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."