Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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