I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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