1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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