on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
