If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
