Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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