I showed him my bush... on skype.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
