why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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