Tell her she can't have a vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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