Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
