i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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