Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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