My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
