it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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