A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
