Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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