I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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