did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
