Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
