Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
