Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
