So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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