He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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