this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
