Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
