In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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